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Dear Japan,
I'm sorry but I have to say "Sayonara" soon.
I wish I could have been gentler and less direct, but you know me. I don't like beating around your lovely cherry blossoms tree.
Please believe when I said that "It's not you, it's me."
You, Japan did nothing bad to me. If anything, I should be grateful for the 4 years I've been here. You attracted me with your amazing anime even before I hit puberty. You excited me to the promise of a comfortable life with you. You let me experience your sensational 4 seasons. You never kept me from meeting wonderful people. You encouraged me to discover my love for cooking and rediscover my passion for writing. You showed me that life can be lived safely, conveniently and comfortably. Staying with you helped me grow in my faith and helped me defined my values more. You have been nothing but great to me, Japan.
But living with you is like summer romance. It's nice for awhile. But at some point, summer has to end and give way to fall. We can't stop the passing of time. When I came to you, I was just 26. I was a know-it-all, ever curious big girl who wanted to see how it is to be with you. But I'm on my 30's now and I feel like this is the best time to go and move on. I can't be that 26 anymore. Whether I like it or not, I have to grow up and face life's realities.
I have to face that death is real. I lost a grandfather last year without me saying goodbye to him. When he died, I realized that during my stay in Japan, I rarely talked to him. My grandmothers are already in their late 80's and 90's. I want to spend sometime with them in their last years. They've been great grandmothers to me. If I stay with you, I might not be able to say goodbye to them. I'm sorry, they're more important than what you can give me.
I have to face that I'm now married. My husband is a wonderful man. He waited for me for 11 years. It's about time that I should be the one to adjust to his wishes. Staying here with you feels unfaithful. I don't want to trade the comforts you're giving me to the life my husband is planning. He loved me when you wouldn't accept me. And I believe he loves me enough not to provide me with my needs.
And I have to face that I'm not meant to be here with you. I'm too restless, too ambitious and just too much for your gentle constant character. I like to try other careers but I can't do it here with you. I wanted to excel as a teacher but you just wouldn't let me. I tried being happy just like this but I can't. I told you, it's not you, It's really me.
I'm sorry for the times I've taken you for granted, I'm sorry if I sometimes complained. I'm sorry if I can't stay with you. I'm sure you'll find other loves who would love you in return. But though you're not my forever, you'll always be my sweet sweet summer romance.
Saying Goodbye with Love,
Purple Pen
