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| Nakatajima Sakyu, Hamamatsu |
Just about this time last year, most of my closest friends in Japan left one by one. By the end of August, I've only had 1 friend. I still know a number a people but I wouldn't consider them as "friends." When I said goodbye to my friend who left last, I felt abandoned. I felt like I was left behind and it was painful.
This sense of abandonment surprised me. I've never felt this way when I parted with friends back in the Philippines. Perhaps because I know I can easily find other friends. But living in another country is a different matter. I have limited choices. Friendships abroad is like sand castles. You spend time building them only to be washed by the waves at the end of the day. This is one sad reality of living abroad.
Other sad realities I realized about living abroad were perfectly captured by an article in Elite Daily.
5 Depressing Side Effects No One Tells You About Moving Abroad
This is written by Manon de Heus, a woman who lived in different countries for 10 years. In her list, she mentioned:
1. Living abroad can devastate your loved ones.
(I thought of how my mom would always tell me to come home soon.)
2. Living abroad can make you feel guilty all the time for missing important events in the family.
(I've missed a funeral of an uncle, a wedding of a friend, the birth of my second niece, the 90th birthday of my grandmother. I could go on and on of all the important times I wasn't there for my family. No amount of Skype calls and gifts from Japan can compensate for my absence.)
3. Living abroad can be lonely.
(I've never cried as often as when I lived in Japan. In fact, I've struggled with depression last year and I'm just starting to recover. That's how lonely life can be abroad.)
4. Living abroad can make you feel you don't fit anywhere.
(I think Japan is home but not quite. I think that Philippines is home too but not also not quite. I am torn.)
5. Living abroad can make you lose dear friends.
(I didn't only lost friends in Japan. I also lost friends back home. As the writer said, "It's no one's fault yet it was everybody's fault." It's hard to maintain friendships with miles between you. It's harder when you're leading completely separate lives.)
Just like how the writer ended her post, I'm asking myself if moving abroad was worth it. Just like her answer, it's a yes and no. Some things will make moving abroad worth it. Some, just like the things mentioned above will make it not worth it.
