A close friend here will soon be leaving for the US. She has been having perpetual backaches which no doctor here have figured out why. Though she doesn't want to go with an unfinished contract, the discomfort she feels forces her to leave. Just last weekend, we already started packing some of her things. She's not happy to leave. I'm not happy to see her leave, too. But that's how things are for foreigners.
My friendship with her made me realize another aspect of living in a foreign land.
I realized that friendships are more consciously decided. When two foreigners meet, there's almost always that back-of-the-mind thought whether they can be friends or not. Of course, there's tentativeness in every type of relationship but being in a foreign land makes that 'testing period' shorter. This is unlike in you're in your home country when friendships are made by fate or chance meetings. The first few times that my friend and I talked, there's already that silent agreement that we have decided to become friends. We didn't leave our friendship to chance. We decided to pursue it. Hence, the next realization.
Friendships are also more actively pursued. The loneliness from living in another country draw foreigners together. Plans to get together are frequent and almost a habit. We don't wait for someone's birthday or a special day to meet. We find reasons to do something together. This is almost like a marker of the weeks passed in this foreign land. I can't remember a week spent without seeing another foreigner. My friend is one of my regular weekend buddies. We'd usually eat somewhere or explore some area. Come January, I won't have a weekend buddy.
I feel that friendships are deeper and more expressively caring. Foreigners know that all we have is each other for families. Only people from another country can understand the isolation and the constant adjustment of foreigners. Hence, there's that unspoken concern for the welfare of another foreigner. This is not to say that all foreigners are kind and caring. This is about foreigners who are already friends. I remember the night when I helped my friend go to the doctor. I wouldn't normally do that if I were back home. I can't be bothered at night. But knowing that my friend is alone as I am, I didn't have hesitations to go that extra mile.
At the same time, we know that no matter how good our friendship is, it's only temporary. We know that things will change once we're back to our home countries. It makes everything more intense and bittersweet. Though there's that temporal quality in friendships abroad, it doesn't make it less sincere. It doesn't make it less of anything. It's just the way things are. So though it's sad to see my friend go, we both know that sooner or later we'll be parting ways. It's just sad that it seemed so soon.
I don't know if we'll meet again in person. I don't know if we'll even keep in touch. I've seen a handful of friends leave promising to still communicate but didn't. I don't hold it against them. (I'm also guilty.) I also won't hold it against my friend if I didn't hear anything from her after she leaves. I'm already grateful that even for a short while, a person from halfway around the world became my friend.
My friendship with her made me realize another aspect of living in a foreign land.
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| Credits: http://www.goodlightscraps.com/friendship.php |
I realized that friendships are more consciously decided. When two foreigners meet, there's almost always that back-of-the-mind thought whether they can be friends or not. Of course, there's tentativeness in every type of relationship but being in a foreign land makes that 'testing period' shorter. This is unlike in you're in your home country when friendships are made by fate or chance meetings. The first few times that my friend and I talked, there's already that silent agreement that we have decided to become friends. We didn't leave our friendship to chance. We decided to pursue it. Hence, the next realization.
Friendships are also more actively pursued. The loneliness from living in another country draw foreigners together. Plans to get together are frequent and almost a habit. We don't wait for someone's birthday or a special day to meet. We find reasons to do something together. This is almost like a marker of the weeks passed in this foreign land. I can't remember a week spent without seeing another foreigner. My friend is one of my regular weekend buddies. We'd usually eat somewhere or explore some area. Come January, I won't have a weekend buddy.
I feel that friendships are deeper and more expressively caring. Foreigners know that all we have is each other for families. Only people from another country can understand the isolation and the constant adjustment of foreigners. Hence, there's that unspoken concern for the welfare of another foreigner. This is not to say that all foreigners are kind and caring. This is about foreigners who are already friends. I remember the night when I helped my friend go to the doctor. I wouldn't normally do that if I were back home. I can't be bothered at night. But knowing that my friend is alone as I am, I didn't have hesitations to go that extra mile.
At the same time, we know that no matter how good our friendship is, it's only temporary. We know that things will change once we're back to our home countries. It makes everything more intense and bittersweet. Though there's that temporal quality in friendships abroad, it doesn't make it less sincere. It doesn't make it less of anything. It's just the way things are. So though it's sad to see my friend go, we both know that sooner or later we'll be parting ways. It's just sad that it seemed so soon.
I don't know if we'll meet again in person. I don't know if we'll even keep in touch. I've seen a handful of friends leave promising to still communicate but didn't. I don't hold it against them. (I'm also guilty.) I also won't hold it against my friend if I didn't hear anything from her after she leaves. I'm already grateful that even for a short while, a person from halfway around the world became my friend.
